i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
