Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
