You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
