Dual....:-)
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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