Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
