His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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