I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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