covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
