If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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