Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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