Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
