i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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