Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
