Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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