she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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