he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I supernannyed him into submission
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