shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
