I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
