I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is Oprah even human
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
