I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You smell like stripper and shame
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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