Only a mothe r could love this liver
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
