Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
