I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
