Please, let me fuck your mom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
