At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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