Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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