How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Randomize
