you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
