mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
