Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I deserve this hangover.
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