I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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