i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
