i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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