it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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