His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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