I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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