Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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