I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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