I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
