So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize