She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
