I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
this hospital has no fireball
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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