By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
