Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
