Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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