Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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