I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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