I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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