that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
