you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
