Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
