every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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