Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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