so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
