I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Say something about gay babies.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
