tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
