I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
