dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
