I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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