you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
