look no pants
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
