you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
