I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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