We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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