Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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