So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
