Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
